I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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