i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
