Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Randomize
