What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
