you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
