he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
