He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
