I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
