time to smoke my breakfast
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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