can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
