I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
is wine microwaveable?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
