Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
