My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Just invented taco cereal.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
The feeling are messing with the penis
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
