if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
