their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
