Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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