nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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