How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
