pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Randomize
