My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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