I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
