We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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