he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
