Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
