Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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