her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
