forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
