I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
