The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
