I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
