Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
