Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
