Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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