I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
