Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
