dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
There are leaves in my underwear?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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