You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
