I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Your cock deserves a montage
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
