My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
