Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
and she was petting her beer can
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
