Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
