She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize