mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
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