Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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