I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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