Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
