Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
