I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
