Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
