not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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