I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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