He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
