WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
