Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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