No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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