1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
