I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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