I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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