we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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