So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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