Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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