ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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