It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
