Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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