Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize