My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
