they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
