Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I want to make a zoo with you.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
