I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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