If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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