Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
