May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
