everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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