Swine flu. Run for my life!
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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