hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
