That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize