It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
