he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
