I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
